Tag Archives: anniversary

3 Year Valve Anniversary

It has been 1,095 days since my last Aortic Valve Replacement Open Heart Surgery. There have been some scary points since them, like when I discovered that a little blood clot was hanging on my mechanical valve. Or that time when a fellow mechanical valve cyclist friend died from a stroke, also due to clotting issues. Then there’s the recent news of the actor Bill Paxton dying from a stroke soon after his heart surgery. He had the same condition as me (Bicuspid Aortic Valve), and the same or similar surgery. Then there’s the letter I received from my hospital notifying me that a faulty machine was used during my surgeries that could cause a deadly infection up to four years after surgery.

Life is going to always be like this. There will be close calls. There will be risk. There will be scary times. There will always be the possibility of complication.

I recently begun to see a therapist. She’s been helping me identify my anxieties and we have been discovering strategies that have proven useful to me. I was already doing some very helpful things to ease & work through my anxiety: Blogging (journaling), yoga, exercise. I have now begun working a regular meditation practice into my life, which has proven to be phenomenal in my general well being. Check out this video (also embedded below); it is a simple guided meditation video that I have used. Think of it as training wheels for meditation. Sometimes I use guided meditation videos, and sometimes I meditate in silence, or with soothing music. I’m still a beginner in this practice, but this mindful meditation has done worlds to help my anxiety. I also seem to be happier in general, and more pleasant to be around (in my opinion).

I think I have learned a thing or two over the past few years. I am a better, happier person despite the anxieties associated with living with a chronic health condition. I’m no guru, but here ya go anyway.

Here are some lessons that I have learned:

  1. Life is short, but (often) only when one realizes this fact do they do something about it. Take chances. Don’t let life happen to you. We are not in control of so many things, so for the things we are in control over; take action! Go for it! Apply for that job across the country if it is calling you! Ask your crush out on a date even if they seem out of your league! Open up to your friends and family. Don’t waste time. If you want something, go get it now. Act now.
  2. Be true to yourself. Be honest with who you are. Don’t let societal norms control your life. This comes into play with so many aspects of our individuality. We tend to hide our true selves from the world due to fear of judgement.
  3. Live in the moment. Practice mindfulness. This is where yoga and meditation come in to play for me. Depression occurs when we focus too much on the past. Anxiety is when we focus too much on the future. Now is the only time that exists. All that there ever is, is now. Look around. Put your phone away for a bit. Make a friend. Enjoy the day.
  4. Relax. You don’t have to make yourself better. You don’t have to go for that promotion. You don’t have to find the meaning of life. If you are kind, mindful, and follow your passions & heart, you will find great joy in life.
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This car had valve troubles too. 

 

 

Two Year Anniversary

I would like to share my recent milestone and the emotions that went along with it.

March 15th 2016 marks my two year anniversary of my last open heart surgery (aortic valve replacement emergency re-do due to endocarditis). I had my yearly echocardiogram scheduled yesterday, one day before my anniversary.

Two years ago, I had a traumatic experience during an echocardiogram where the echo tech spilled the beans about the emergency that was occurring inside my chest (which was extremely unprofessional of him, and against code). He told me that my recently implanted prosthetic valve was literally falling off. This led me to a panic until my cardiologist came into the room 20 minutes later.

So you can understand why echo appointments freak me out. I’m feeling great now, in fact I think I’ve never felt better athletically speaking. Despite this, I was still very afraid that I would go in and hear bad news. I almost expect to hear bad news. I know that’s not the most positive thought, but it is the truth. It is fear that guides me to think that way.

And it was that same fear that caused me to keep this echo appointment and my anxiety about it a secret from my friends, girlfriend, and family. I spent most of the weekend with my buddy, and I didn’t bring it up once. But there I was, bottling it up inside, stewing on it, just being afraid; alone in my brain. One of the main reasons I started this blog was so I wouldn’t contain my anxieties, yet I failed to utilize this outlet, which would have been useful during the past 2 weeks.

Yesterday, I went to the echo appointment. The echo tech did my yearly echo last year as well, and we remembered each other enough to pick up where we left off in small talk from last year. The doctor checked the echo results remotely, and told the tech that everything was A-Okay, and that I can be sent on my way for another year.

The relief was astronomical. I didn’t realize how much of a weight this was on me. In the car, on the way home, I completely broke down for a solid 2 minutes. After I finally got a grip, I felt cleansed. Blue sky. Now, I feel energized and ready to make the best out of every day, at least for the next 50 weeks (until my next yearly echo approaches).

Cheers ❤

Anthony