I would like to share my recent milestone and the emotions that went along with it.
March 15th 2016 marks my two year anniversary of my last open heart surgery (aortic valve replacement emergency re-do due to endocarditis). I had my yearly echocardiogram scheduled yesterday, one day before my anniversary.
Two years ago, I had a traumatic experience during an echocardiogram where the echo tech spilled the beans about the emergency that was occurring inside my chest (which was extremely unprofessional of him, and against code). He told me that my recently implanted prosthetic valve was literally falling off. This led me to a panic until my cardiologist came into the room 20 minutes later.
So you can understand why echo appointments freak me out. I’m feeling great now, in fact I think I’ve never felt better athletically speaking. Despite this, I was still very afraid that I would go in and hear bad news. I almost expect to hear bad news. I know that’s not the most positive thought, but it is the truth. It is fear that guides me to think that way.
And it was that same fear that caused me to keep this echo appointment and my anxiety about it a secret from my friends, girlfriend, and family. I spent most of the weekend with my buddy, and I didn’t bring it up once. But there I was, bottling it up inside, stewing on it, just being afraid; alone in my brain. One of the main reasons I started this blog was so I wouldn’t contain my anxieties, yet I failed to utilize this outlet, which would have been useful during the past 2 weeks.
Yesterday, I went to the echo appointment. The echo tech did my yearly echo last year as well, and we remembered each other enough to pick up where we left off in small talk from last year. The doctor checked the echo results remotely, and told the tech that everything was A-Okay, and that I can be sent on my way for another year.
The relief was astronomical. I didn’t realize how much of a weight this was on me. In the car, on the way home, I completely broke down for a solid 2 minutes. After I finally got a grip, I felt cleansed. Blue sky. Now, I feel energized and ready to make the best out of every day, at least for the next 50 weeks (until my next yearly echo approaches).