Tag Archives: redo

Frustration Creek

It has now been 2 weeks since my 2nd heart surgery. It seems like a blur now. Now, I am home recovering, again. I’m sorry to say, but I need a major attitude adjustment. This is much more difficult than the first time around in some ways, and easier in other ways. I am in less pain this time around, and I feel very mobile. I do not feel very much short of breath compared to surgery #1. Physically, I feel good. My mom and I went on a 4-5 mile walk only days after returning home from the hospital. On the other hand, my doctor has put more restrictions on me. She does not want me to over do it at all during the first 12 weeks, so I need some new hobbies. I’ve been planting succulents.

Worst of all, this time I have to give myself hefty doses of antibiotics through a PICC line in my arm. I have to do this 4 times a day. These medications are broad spectrum because they do not know exactly which ‘bug’ caused the bacterial endocarditis (heart infection).

This is actually the hardest part…

I thought that I was done with uncertainty. I thought that after my first surgery, everything would be fixed and I wouldn’t have that dark thundercloud of uncertainty looming over my head any longer. People who get bacterial endocarditis once are more at risk at getting it again. Now I have this to worry about. Also, the fact that we don’t know which bacterium caused it, means that I don’t know how to prevent it. It probably came from my mouth though, because I had a week or so of bad bleeding gums, which is a common entry point for mouth bacteria that can cause Bacterial Endocarditis. So now I practice immaculate oral hygiene.

Sorry about all of this ‘woe-is-me’ crap. I need to get it out of my system. I feel more confused than ever. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the face by a donkey, and I’m sitting on the ground wondering what the hell happened. I thought I was home free, but now I’m lost without a map, alone.

The good news: I’m not dead. I’m trying SO HARD to remind myself of that. WHY the hell do I need to remind myself of this fact?!

I mean, I was literally days (or weeks) from death. This is something to be thankful for.

I’m trying.

owchie

owchie

Only a Minor Setback

I was going to title this post, WHAT A GODAMN MOTHER F@CKING HUGE SETBACK,  but then my my mother happened to lean over to me and say, “dear, this is just a minor setback. You’ll be okay.” I knew she was probably right. So here is how it all went down: Last week I was feeling shortness of breath, and after worrying about it, and 2 ER trips, and finally meeting with my primary cardiologist and an echocardiogram, it was determined that… wait for it… my mechanical valve was starting to detach from the heart. dang. And i thought i was all strong and good to go. This is usually caused by an infection, but i was not showing any signs of infection. So I was to have emergency surgery the next day (Saturday). No time to mentally prepare. no Blogging. Just go and do it so you don’t die. They wheeled me in Saturday morning. The next thing I can remember is Monday. The time in between is a haze of drugs. Apparently I was a mad man on anesthetics and narcotics, fighting doctors and nurses as they tried to take out my breathing tube. NOT as smooth as the first surgery. Monday sucked as I was uncomfortable in the cardiac ward I was at. Overnight was bad too. I woke up in the middle of the night trying to escape and my Nurse Phil had to remind me where i was. I had no clue. Today was better. Today we moved to the ICSU (intermediate cardiac surgery unit), which is much more comfy. My current nurse Yu-Ni is the best nurse Ive ever seen. So here I am. Square one. The rehab phase begins again. It is a bummer, but it’s gotta be done. Wish me luck, ok?

ready. again.

ready. again.

Another long road.

Another long road.